R.I.P. My Social Life

I remember the days when I could go to a party and talk to everyone I wanted to, for as long as I wanted to (sometimes for longer than I wanted to). But nonetheless there was an element of control there that no longer exists...I had some control over my social life.

This past weekend my husband, son, and I attended an engagement party for my cousin. This was one of the first events we've attended with him since he has been "on the move" - which makes me sound ultra-pathetic, because at 18 months, he has now been walking for about 7 months. But anyway, we all go to this party, and in some ways I felt like we were just playing with him in a different location, rather than spending any real amount of time catching up with, or talking to, our relatives. I got to talk to some family for a few minutes at a time - most of whom probably thought I had ADD - my eyes darting back and forth between them and my son, as he ran across the yard, baby stroller in tow. And of course the only way you can actually have an uninterrupted conversation with anyone is to do the "tradeoff" - my husband watches my son while I have normal, adult conversation, and then 15 minutes later (which, by the way, only feels like about 30 seconds when you are so desperate to cram in as much intellectually stimulating, non baby-talk fodder as possible), we tradeoff, and I take over baby monitoring duties. This, of course, ultimately leads to not spending any time with my husband at the party.

By the end of the party, I found myself apologizing to my family, saying things like "I'm so sorry we didn't get to catch up more - I was running around after Jack the whole time". They completely understood, but I can tell all of my cousins without children are thinking, "Oh boy, do we really want kids yet? Let's wait a few more years."

And to them I say, "Well, you're never really ready". You never have enough money, enough time, enough resources. But despite the fact that my social life is in purgatory right now, and probably won't emerge until my last child's 18th birthday, that is a "tradeoff" I am willing to make.

Mommy Brain

I used to be so organized and on top of things. In my former life, when I worked in hotels, I was so insanely busy, but somehow I never forgot an appointment, a follow-up, or a meeting. But these days, I am lucky if I even remember my own name. How does that happen, you ask? It's a little thing that I (and most other mothers out there) like to call "Mommy Brain".

Now Mommy Brain is a very real, medically founded thing, at least when you are pregnant. During that time, there is so much blood going to the growing baby, that there is precious little left to power the mommy's brain. I experienced this all the time when I was pregnant with my son. But after the baby is born?? To my knowledge there is no medical research that has proven that Mommy Brain continues after your child is born, but somehow I am still brain dead. And personally I like blaming any and all situations where I have acted dumbly (yes, I said "dumbly" - I don't even know if that's a word, but my spellcheck didn't pick it up so I'm going with it....but I digress) on my aforementioned Mommy Brain.

Somehow I always manage to forget something. Today, for instance, my plan was to drop my son off at daycare, and then go to gym. After that I needed to run to the post office to mail out 3 copies of a contract for a business related transaction. Prior to leaving, I took the time to really make sure I had everything: iPod, water bottle, keys, wallet, stamps to mail the contracts, etc. But the contracts themselves? Apparently that alluded me, because somehow I managed to only pick up two out of the three contracts prior to walking out the door. How does one forget a contract when all three are sitting in a nice, neat pile on their counter?? I don't know. My only excuse is Mommy Brain.

I also like to think that I love my son so much, and am so focused on caring for, loving, and nurturing him, and that all other "trivial" matters seem to go out the window. That's a tradeoff I don't mind, if you ask me. Someday, when I am old and my mind really goes, I will have raised a son who will hopefully return the favor.

Facebook Woes

Dear Facebook,

I love you for all the wonderful things you have given us: Connections with friends both old and new, and access to way more personal information on the average Facebook friend than should legally be available. However, why do you always allude me when it comes to using you?

Somehow I cannot seem to create a simple Facebook Fanpage. One would think that should be easy, but apparently you need a PhD in computer science to start one, because I don't have the faintest idea how to do it. Do I link the Fanpage to my personal Facebook page, or do I not? Do I link my Facebook Fanpage updates to Twitter? Well, "yes", most of you would say, "that makes sense". I thought so too, until I tried to do it, and Facebook told me I couldn't because I was a business. But you just asked me if I wanted to do it! Why would you offer the option, only to tell me I can't do it?? I don't understand.

Oh Facebook, until I can use you without wanting to jump out of the nearest tall building, I'm afraid I have to not use you at all.

Love,
Me

Cliche

Sometimes I feel like such a cliche.

Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I am happily married. I have a beautiful and healthy baby boy. I live in, what my opinion is, the greatest neighborhood on earth. And I am fortunate enough that I can start a business because I want to, not because I have to.

That said, let's take a little walk through my adult life for a second. Girl goes to college. Girl graduates college and makes a big move out west to do something "different". Girl falls in love with boy out west. Girl moves in with boy into their first apartment together. Girl moves back East to get married to said boy. Girl gets married. Girl and boy buy an apartment in a pricy, but starting-a-family-friendly neighborhood. Girl and boy get a dog. Girl and boy realize that being a parent (albeit one to a dog) is not quite as easy as they thought. Girl and boy decide to start a family of the human kind. Girl takes a year off of work to care for new baby. After one year girl decides homemaking is not enough for her, and decides to start a business.

So here we are. Now I try to cram 5 business days worth of work into the two daycare days I can afford, and nap times on the other three days. I know I am one of many women (and some men) who are trying to somehow start a stay-at-home business, while being a stay-at-home parent. It is so tough, but so rewarding, and so far I love it.

Of course what I didn't mention in my above life history is that in college I was on the crew team - one of the hardest and most rigorous sports in existence, but to this day one of the greatest things I have ever done. When I was out west I ran a marathon. When I fell in love, I almost lost that love when I didn't recognize what love was. When I got married, it was the happiest, most beautiful (and fastest!) day of my life. When we bought our apartment, I was absolutely, unequivocally in love with it, and still am. Our dog (who, by the way, was the greatest dog of all time) lived for only two short years, then died very suddenly from an extremely rare infection in her brain. When I had my son, I split both my abdominal wall and pubic bone so terribly, that I was paralyzed with pain before the birth of my son, and couldn't walk for weeks after his birth. And starting this business, so far, has been an amazing and wonderful experience.

Maybe I'm not such a cliche after all.

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No Initiative

Sometimes I really don't understand people. I leave 2 messages in the span of 1 week for my contractor, who never called me back. I call him again today, only to find that "at the subscriber's request, this phone is no longer accepting calls". Not accepting my calls, or any calls? I had to wonder. Now I'm feeling like a stalker. So I call him at his alternative number, which he promptly picks up, and tells me that his phone fell in the water and is not working. Ok, so were you perhaps checking your messages from another phone during that time? Because I called you TWICE with no response from you. "Oh, you called me?" he asked, so surprised.

To give some back story, he is supposed to be working on two different projects in my apartment, and I had been calling him to set up a start date for these projects. For weeks now he has known that we wanted to start the projects, but I have to call him to get the ball rolling?? Do you not want my business? Are you soooo busy (in this terrible economy) that you can't take 5 minutes to call me and set up a time to start working...so you can get paid???

After that conversation, I tried to get some work done. I am the client of a company that doesn't seem to think that returning calls is important. Again a situation where if they would just follow up and show some initiative, they can take my money, and we can all move on with our lives. But for some reason they seem to think that not responding to me for 3 weeks is an acceptable business practice. Really?? I know that I have a small business, and my money probably means nothing to them, but the longer I wait for them, the more money my business is losing, and the longer I am spending money to send my child to daycare with NO return on that investment. Awesome.

I have always been a sales person, and follow up is the backbone of success for anyone in sales. No follow-up here. Apparently the customer is the one who needs to follow up - because I'm in such a hurry to hand my money over to these people. Unbelievable.

Determination: Lost & Found

I used to be a runner. I say "used to be", because back in the day I was fierce. I ran probably 12 miles a week, and even ran a marathon! I wouldn't say I was a fast runner, but I was a runner, nonetheless. Then I got pregnant. I made the decision to not run while I was pregnant. And then at the end of my pregnancy I had severe pelvic pain, and was unable to walk more than a few blocks, let alone run. Prior to and during delivery, my pubic bone actually split by 6 centimeters, leaving me unable to walk for weeks after my son was born. I had to go through 5 months of physical therapy postpartum. Needless to say, I was not doing any running during that time. At the end of my physical therapy, I would periodically try to run, and every time, my pelvis would be sore for weeks afterward.

Finally, just 6 weeks ago (17 months postpartum) I ran for the first time, without pelvic pain! Yay! I couldn't believe it. For nearly 2 1/2 years I had stopped running, and finally I felt like myself again. 6 weeks ago, when I would run, it was 2 minutes of running followed by 5 minutes of walking, back and forth until I ran the full loop at my local park (about 4 miles). The next run was 3 minutes of running, coupled with 4 minutes of walking. Every run for the next six weeks I gradually increased the running, and decreased the walking. And today for the first time in 2 1/2 years I ran the full 4 mile loop without stopping!!

The whole experience of pregnancy, childbirth, and the 17 months of pelvic pain the ensued has been a very humbling experience. I used to push myself so hard, and was always so hard on myself. This experience has taught me how to take it slow, and in the end you can be right back to where you were before. Determined as ever.